Ennis, Montana – Celebrity trends come and go. Today’s Lady Gaga is yesterday’s Mariah Carey. It is inevitable, tastes change, audiences age, and most of the time pop celebrities just can’t keep up. Occasionally some maintain a level of success with younger generations for an extended period of time, think Madonna or Tom Cruise, but inevitably time catches up to them as well and they start to fade away as their older fans lose interest and younger people claim someone to call their own.
Because of that gap between generations, it is common, almost inevitable, that the two never meet. Parents make fun of their kid’s music, and eventually those kids will make fun of their own children’s music. It’s a pattern that repeats itself over and over again. On rare occasion though artists come along that walk the line between all generations, appealing to multiple generations all at the same time, offending no one. Michael Jackson did that for many years, and today Taylor Swift is doing the same. With her down home charm, catchy song writing, and undeniable beauty Swift has captured the hearts of people all around the world with millions falling in some level of love with her whether or not they like her music. Not everyone feels that way though, particularly one small town in Montana which, it is believed, houses more Taylor Swift haters per capita in the world.
“I can’t stand her. That phony smile, that pop junk, I hate it. I can’t even really say why it is I hate her so much but I do and that is pretty much all across the entire town. There’s one person who kind of likes her but he never comes out of the house,” said Mayor John Clark. “She is the last thing this town or America needs. She is not welcome here and her music is not welcome here. No one wants anything to do with Taylor Swift.”
And the vitriol to the singer is not isolated to the older generation. Researchers found the same level of vitriol present in school age children as well. “She’s an idiot. I hate her so much. I hate her music and I hate her stupid face. I wish she would just shut up and go away,” said Molly, 11. “She looks dumb and her music sucks. I don’t know why anyone would want to listen to her. We really shouldn’t have her around because all people do is talk about her and it’s so annoying. I wish she would just go away,” said Andrew, 15.
“Everything was fine until she came along. Everything was good and then this thing came around and now I have to deal with it. I’ve had this name for seventeen years and now this stupid girl comes along and ruins it forever. I’ll never forgive her,” said Taylor, 17. The town recluse, 43-year old David Walk, has been known to listen to Swift on occasion but has always been served with fines owing to a strict by-law present in the town.
“This town is totally Taylor Swift free and we expect it to remain that way. We understand that there will be occasional interactions on television and the like but our goal is to reduce and eliminate indulgence in this particular artist. It would be ideal if she would just go away, but we are practical about it,” said town commissioner Diane McPhetres. “The by-laws we have in place protect our town and the future of our town from this kind of influence. Ennis is and will remain a Swift-zone from now until the end of time, or until she’s in Vegas, whatever comes first.”It’s believed Swift will be in Vegas in about twenty years. It’s not clear when the apocalypse might come.